


erode all my edges

by bluerised



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam is in love with Gansey, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Boys In Love, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, adansey, everything's canon except I just made it adansey, my first fic here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 13:00:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29260869
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluerised/pseuds/bluerised
Summary: Being best friends with Richard Gansey III was hard but being in love with him was harder.Or a fic set in the original trc universe where Adam had been in love with Gansey all along as they search for Glendower.
Relationships: Richard Gansey III & Adam Parrish, Richard Gansey III/Adam Parrish
Comments: 3
Kudos: 13





	erode all my edges

**Author's Note:**

> Fic title from the song Trivia: Love by BTS. Listen to it on [Spotify](https://open.spotify.com/track/6aHCXTCkPiB4zgXKpB7BHS?si=aPUxW9WDRcKQHmBggAlGfw) or on [YouTube](https://youtu.be/GiKZ_4EkYsA)
> 
> [moodboard](https://bluekosmos.tumblr.com/post/642456064945700864/erode-all-my-edges-my-first-adansey-fic-read-it)
> 
> English is not my first language so I apologise in advance.

Cabeswater was the place Adam felt the safest at. And surrounded by his friends, bathing in the summer sun and listening to the soft sounds of the magical forest, he feels the most homely. Perhaps he wasn't that homeless.

Adam Parrish had been brave enough to stand up against his father and move out of the abusive household just weeks before. Now St. Agnes and his best friends were his only home. And Cabeswater.

"I wish it would be summer forever," Blue sighs from beside Noah. Her hair was falling over her forehead while her hair clips were in Noah's hands who was aimlessly playing with them.

"And I wish Aglionby would kick me out so I would never have to see that building again," Ronan mutters as he kicks stones around. Adam just shakes his head. He would never understand his friend's dying will to go to school. Or may be it was just Ronan didn't _need_ to go to school while Adam's entire life depended on it.

He lays down on the wet grass feeling the dampness soak into his t-shirt. Gansey was somewhere near them, relaxing in his own way which was most probably by pondering over the strange mechanics of this magical forest and its relation to king Glendower.

When Adam sneaks a glance at Gansey, he finds him leaning against a tree, eyes closed and a smile lightly grazing his lips. It's not surprising that Adam fell in love with him for it was easy to fall in love with Gansey; he was just easy to love. His silly shoes dirtied at the edges with mud, his khaki shorts and another one of his polo shirts that he always wears making him look so young, his glasses loose on his nose; everything in the moment made him more Gansey than The Richard Dick Campbell Gansey The Third. How was Adam not supposed to fall for him?

But falling in love is not the same as being in love. And Adam wakes up every morning wondering how his burning feelings would melt their unbreakable friendship. He imagines his walls crumbling around him and the words of confession escaping his lips and his mind returns him that face of Gansey that he dislikes the most. _The face of pity._

Gansey is easier to fall for, but harder to be in love with.

Ronan had once joked and said, "Gansey is stupid about you, Adam." 

Adam liked to hear that from their friend. It gave him some kind of idiotic happiness that he was soon ashamed of. But Gansey's stupidity for him is not the same as his stupidity for Gansey. How he wishes it were.

Adam grunts as he gets on his feet, rubbing the back of his jeans and walks over to Gansey. The wetness on his back not as unpleasant as he thought.

"What are you thinking about?"

Without needing to open his eyes, Gansey just shrugs. He always knows Adam would follow him everywhere. Adam wishes he hated him for that. He wishes he hated Gansey instead.

"You know Adam," he says, "sometimes I wonder what I would do when we've found Glendower. It feels like it would be the end of the world."

"Even after Glendower, everything's gonna be the same. Us on some new quest probably."

Gansey finally opens his eyes, his smile bigger than a moment before, "yeah, us. Some other quest."

This was something Adam gives himself to treasure, letting his heart live a little. These tender moments with Gansey, casually talking about Glendower and themselves and exchanging smiles. It was friendship. To Adam, it felt more.

They talked about their classes, then going back to the topic of Welsh kings, then to Adam's life at St. Agnes Church, then to something that didn't make sense. Their conversation going back and forth smoothly. They were used to this kind of normalcy just how best friends are. Talking about nothing. Talking about everything. Smiling and shaking heads when something stupid was said, leaves and branches surrounding them and breeze ruffling their hair, the sound of their friends chatting now distant.

The time at Cabeswater worked differently. Or it was just spending it with his best friends was what made the time pass so easily for Adam. They wandered around some more before calling it a day. Ronan was quick to leave in his BMW having some errands to do that not even Gansey had any idea about. Blue and Adam on their bikes and Gansey and Noah ahead of them in his Camaro. Another day of desperately trying to hide his feelings for his best friend was over.

* * *

Aglionby Academy was huge and enormous and a dream to boys like Adam. No matter how his life was twisted in magic and Welsh kings, his priorities were straight. Study hard, get into college and live the dream that doesn't let him sleep. As he sits beside Ronan, waiting for the class to start, all the while going over things he needed to do that day, Gansey arrives.

He watches Gansey entering the classroom like a king, returning the _hello_ s from other students and making his way to Adam and Ronan. He slides beside Adam who is so grateful, he would have been ashamed of his pathetic desires if he were alone.

Gansey bumps his fist with Adam's and gives a nod to Ronan. As their knuckles touch, Adam wonders how it would feel to touch them with his fingers instead. Just running the tip over the bumps on Gansey's hands like feathers. Or the shiver that would run down his spine if he touched his long fingers with his longer ones. Or his palm. Yes, Adam would like that a lot. Discovering all of Gansey's secrets by tracing his palm with his fingers, with his lips. He would like that a lot.

With a pang of guilt, he realises he has been staring. He busies himself with a textbook to have something to do and not letting his stupid heart take control once again. But not before he finds Ronan looking in their direction. A knowing look on his face as if saying, _you can't hide anything_.

* * *

Ronan is once again gone like the wind. Gansey proposes to drop Adam to work and considering he is going to be late otherwise, he accepts the offer, only because Gansey was going the same way.

The way to garage was mostly silent with occasional discussions about school and homework. In the midst of the comforting sound of the Camaro's engine, Adam notices Gansey rubbing his thumb over his lower lip. The drive continues without another sound from either of them.

Outside the garage where Adam works, he steps out of the car with Gansey following suit. Everything feels strange.

"Hey, um, Adam," Gansey calls out from behind him just as how he thought he would.

Adam stands at a respectable distance from him, waiting for the other boy to meet his eyes which he doesn't. His heart pulses inside his chest. Something was wrong.

"I went home last week as you know already," Gansey says, putting his weight on one foot and then another, "and Helen got herself a new iPhone, so she doesn't need the old one anymore."

He fishes out something from his pocket and Adam frowns at the sight of a cellphone. Gansey had asked to buy him one numerous times but he declined the offer. People lived without phones in the past, didn't they? Adam can do that too.

But right now, as he looks at his best friend, holding a phone of God knows what price, Adam believes he was never understood. How he wishes for his two best friends to know him, to see the world from his place but they failed. Right in front of him was Gansey, his best friend, the boy he would do anything for, the man he wanted to always stand beside, with a cellphone, a charity so he would be able to keep Adam at his tail forever. Gansey was the king and Adam was just a follower. He was his now.

Adam did want to belong to Gansey. But not like this.

"We can call and text and since you don't have one so I thought…" he trails off when he sees Adam's expression.

Rage fumes inside Adam and the twisted expression of Gansey doesn't help. His mouth turning downwards and eyebrows pinching together, his shoulders all sagged that Adam wants to punch him. He waits for him to say something but he doesn't need to since his face says it all. If Adam hates something more than pity, then it's pity from Gansey.

"I don't want it," Adam exhales a warm breath.

"But I just want to help, man."

"I said I don't want it."

"Look, Adam, I know how you feel about gifts from me but I'm your friend. I knew you would have forthrightly rejected a brand new phone so I decided-"

"You decided you would throw a used one at my face to keep me at your reach?" His voice was louder than before. At least, there was no one around to watch them fight.

"What makes you think that?" Gansey throws his hands in the air, already tired with their conversation, "I was trying to _help._ "

"And when will you get that I don't want your help?" He grits his teeth and says, "your _fucking pity._ "

"It's not pity, Adam, it's a goddamn-"

"I said I don't want it!"

"May be if you were not so apoplectic in the haze of your pride, you would know that it was a gift and I actually _like you_."

It was a shout. It was a whisper. Whatever it was, it was said with clenched jaw and wet eyes. Adam would have rolled his eyes and told him no one uses words like _apoplectic_ but the second half of the sentence roots him to his spot.

Gansey likes him.

The heart inside his ribs beats like crazy while the two boys just stare at each other. Gansey, on the verge of tears and Adam, on the verge of losing his mind. He wants to punch him and kiss him and press him on the side of his Camaro and tell him how he makes him go mad but he doesn't do any of it.

Adam breathes fast and before he can witness Gansey crying, he turns around and leaves as he utters, "I don't want your pity."

Only one cried that night but both hearts were broken.

* * *

_May be if you were not so apoplectic in the haze of your pride, you would know that it was a gift and I actually like you._

_you would know that it was a gift and I actually like you._

_I actually like you._

_I like you._

Adam replayed the entire conversation over and over again in his head for the next few days. Their friends knew something must've happened but they kept quiet. Gansey and Adam's friendship was delicate. Their bond was strong but their fights were messy. And this time it ended with something that they can never go back to how they were before.

Gansey likes him.

He had spoken it with passion, with anger and surity just like how he does everything. Just like Richard Gansey III. It was not the same as a friendly confession. It was far from it. Adam was filled to the brim with butterflies and embarrassment at himself. He wishes he were not so prideful. He hurt Gansey. He hurt the boys he loves.

As he walks around Cabeswater, Noah joins him. He was there to spend some time alone and drown in misery but he's grateful for the other boy's company.

"You should talk to him." Adam is not surprised when Noah speaks up, he was half expecting him to.

"I can't."

"Why?"

"I messed up."

"This is why you should talk to him," Noah presses.

"Yeah but he doesn't want to talk to me, heck he doesn't even sit beside me in class anymore."

"Why do you think Gansey doesn't want to talk to you? He's moping around all over Monmouth Manufacturing ever since you two fought."

It feels shameful but Adam is glad that he's not the only one.

"I don't know how to talk to him," he says.

"Ask him to help you with school work or some shit."

When Adam thinks about it, it doesn't feel too hard. Him and Gansey are best friends before anything after all.

* * *

For the entire next day, Adam sits awkwardly in class with Ronan beside him and Gansey on the other side of Ronan. He has never been so happy to see Ronan coming to class than now. He is there trying to cancel the awkwardness with his efforts to engage both the other boys in conversation.

As the school is over, Adam runs to catch up with Gansey who is opening his Camaro's door.

"Gansey," he pants, "can we talk?"

Said boy jumps as if scared but schools his expression to look nonchalant. That's how Gansey was. Always perfect.

"Yeah, sure, why not."

"Erm can you uh come over to my place later," Adam says, "I need help in Latin."

As soon as the words are out, Adam cringes internally. _Seriously?_ Ronan was way too good in Latin than Gansey and he would've gone to him if he actually wanted help. Even Adam himself was better at Latin than Gansey.

But before Adam dies in self-misery, Gansey jerks his head in a frantic nod, looking ecstatic. No one detects lies as good as him. And Adam, now red in the face, decides that it's okay. Perhaps everything's gonna be okay after this.

* * *

He told himself he was ready but when Gansey is actually standing in his small apartment at St. Agnes Church, Adam worries if he'll faint with nerves.

They decide to go over their Latin homework first and Adam is happy to oblige. It is more him helping Gansey than the other way round which is amusing to both of them although no one says that aloud. It feels good and normal and Adam appreciates.

As they close their notebooks and Gansey collects his things, Adam ponders over what to say next. The boy sits at the edge of the bed, not far but not close either. His glasses perched atop his nose instead of his regular contact lenses and Adam saves the image in his mind for later. It is now or never. And an apology is the best way to mend relationships.

"About what happened," he begins, "I shouldn't have given in to my anger like that. I'm sorry, Gansey, I really am."

Gansey seems to not be surprised. He looks at Adam, confidently stares into his eyes, "I never meant to pity you, you know that."

Adam nods. He knew that.

There is a pause and both boys stay quiet. The small room feeling smaller with the presence of the two of them and when he glances at the candy bar that Gansey brought him, his heart doubles in size.

"Did you mean that?"

Gansey nods, averting his eyes from him. Both of them know what he was talking about yet neither say a word. He rubs his lips with his thumbs, a sign of nervousness that Adam knows so very well. He wishes he could take it away. So he does.

As he crosses the distance between them, taking Gansey's hand away from his mouth and replacing it with his own lips, magic is the first thing that comes to his mind. It is magic the way Adam kisses Gansey and it is magic as Gansey intakes a surprised breath but then kisses back. It is magic as Gansey's other hand touches the hair on Adam's nape. And it is magic how they intertwine their fingers not knowing who initiated it. It is magic because Adam cannot explain it and magic is unexplainable. He just knows that he's happy. Happier than he has ever been.

He feels loved. He feels privileged.

Adam smiles with joy that is threatening to tear his chest apart and come out. Gansey mirrors him and he knows because their lips are still touching, still kissing each others' smiles. It is everything Adam could never ask for.

Time passes as if they're in Cabeswater. But they don't mind. They talk and hold and kiss each other. But most of all, they laugh ceaselessly.

"You aren't mad that I got you a second hand phone?" Gansey says as he lies on his side on bed looking at Adam.

"No," he answers truthfully, "and even if it was brand new, I would've still lost my temper."

"I was looking for some nice cellphones that were not as expensive but then I thought you'd prefer an old one instead so-"

"Hey, it's in the past now and I don't care about cellphones, I care about you."

"I returned the cellphone," Gansey says, a hint of sadness in his voice, "when I went back home yesterday."

"I wouldn't be needing it anyways," Adam whispers, "now that I would be a hell lot at Monmouth Manufacturing."

Gansey smiles. Adam mirrors him.

* * *

Cabeswater was the place Adam felt the safest at. As their little gang of five walks through the forest, he thinks how lucky he is. This is something new in Adam's life, to call himself lucky. Blue runs ahead of them with Noah and Ronan says something that everyone laughs at but Adam is too busy looking at his side watching Gansey's eyes and mouth as he laughs. The sound so full of happiness and euphoric that Adam wishes he could record and listen to it during bad days.

It's contagious, Gansey's laughter.

As their friends walk forward, the two boys walk with slow pace, enjoying the peaceful breeze and shade of trees and each others' simple presence.

Gansey's hands brushes behind the small of his back making Adam smile in content. His hold then turns firmer. Entire arm wrapped around his waist.

"What do you think we should work for next?" Gansey asks.

"Continue the search for the king?"

"But you're my king now."

It's so cringey and they both know it. They laugh so loud that Ronan swears from a distance asking, "would you two fuckers like to share the joke with the class?"

Then Gansey's hands move away from his hip and instead his fingers touch Adam's wrist. Slowly, they slide down his palm, grazing his fingers lightly before fitting perfectly with each other. Holding hands with Gansey is Adam's favourite part of dating Richard Gansey III.

He leans closer to Adam and whispers in his good ear, always mindful of that, "you make me so stupid, Adam Parrish."

He doesn't let go of his hand for the rest of the day. He's not going to let go of his hand ever.

**Author's Note:**

> I need to get one thing out. I'm not a writer. I very rarely write. But when I finished reading the raven cycle series, I just completely fell in love with it and adansey were my favourite since the beginning. So here's my part for this community which loves Adam and Gansey. I hope you liked this and it wasn't a waste of your time.
> 
> Kudos and comments will be appreciated! Let me know what you think.
> 
> Find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/bluerised?s=09) or [Tumblr](http://bluekosmos.tumblr.com)


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